My Struggle With Mercy
There have been many things I have had to work through in my life as a Christian. Anger, bitterness, stubbornness, self-worth, selfishness, but right now the hardest one for me is mercy. We grow up hearing about the love of Christ, his grace and mercy. In reality though, how much do we really understand or put it into practice. How much do we exercise our mercy muscles? Are we trained to the point it becomes natural for us? Mercy is when God doesn’t give us what we deserve. A big thing I have gotten that I don’t deserve through Jesus is forgiveness, a debt that has been paid on the cross. God loves us, every one of us! He pursues us, reveals Himself to us daily. He even says seek and you will find but a lot of us are unwilling to look because we believe our wisdom is superior to His nature. This love, forgiveness, and compassion are available to all of us if we have hearts willing to believe and accept Him! He gives it freely.
When we put our faith in Christ and we willingly choose to turn from what hurts Him, He changes our hearts and minds creating us to be made more in His image. It’s not instantaneous. You don’t believe in Christ and then suddenly poof you are this spiritually great person. Note, I said spiritually great because many can look and act the part and will be spiritually dead inside. Being made into His image takes time and dedication. We are made in His image By seeking His truth, His word, His face, His countenance! We need to desire Him! In that pursuit and faithfulness, He is faithful in showing you where change is needed. I tried doing it myself and failed miserably because I was trying to do the change in my power and not His.
Many people do not understand what I am going through in my changes, sometimes I don’t even understand but I know I am dying to myself to a point to become something greater, a new creation!
Change takes time, trial and error. Am I perfect? No. Do I claim to be perfect??? Not by a long shot! Some things are easier to learn than others, but for me learning mercy is my hardest lesson at the moment. I like to think I’m a kind, loving, forgiving person. I usually am someone who easily forgives, which sometimes that would not always be the case. I always like to see the best in people.
Recently I had a friend hurt me, and people I was close to. I care for this person but it has been very difficult. I’ve struggled with hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Every time I think I have given it to God something will happen and those emotions surface catching me off guard. All of those feelings are dangerous spiritually. I will give them to God one minute and without warning they hit. To the point if I see the person or hear their name I get upset. I have struggled. That’s when God showed me I needed mercy. I started trying to learn about mercy. I’ve been working on it for several weeks now, then at church today it was all about mercy. It hit me hard. It really made me evaluate how I enacted mercy in this situation. I couldn’t even take communion because my heart was not in the position to receive it. I could not take it because I had an issue with this person. That’s a bad place to be in. How do you totally surrender up all these feelings you have of hurt and pain. How does God do it?? Matthew 5:7 says, “blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy.” What are my actions showing? What is my heart showing God? It is He after all who judges the heart! So if I’m refusing mercy to someone He loves and died for what am I expected to receive in return?
Jesus died for us ALL!! I am no more special than that other person. For EVERYTHING I have done, every vile disgusting thing in God’s sight he showed me mercy!! He forgave me. Where did that mercy bring me? It brought me to Him. It brought me to the cross. It brought me to forgiveness my creator paid A price for. Shouldn’t I too share that gift of mercy to someone else? I didn’t deserve it and they don’t either but that is the love of Jesus. I’m not perfect but we both are in the same boat if our hearts are not in the right place.
How much do we convince ourselves we are the better person? How much do we decide someone isn’t worth offering our forgiveness because of how we feel. How does that make you look to others and an unbelieving world? Do we let our pride step in the way of us being merciful? Most think by being merciful you are being accepting of the wrong done. No! Being merciful is knowing that you have been hurt or wronged by them but you are willing to love them and forgive them even though they are undeserving of it. You willingly have to work in a sacrificial place of love and forgiveness for and in the revelation of the hope you have received in Jesus. I guess being merciful doesn’t just help that person, it helps you too. It helps you to move forward spiritually and gives you freedom from that chain that bound you as one negative emotion begat another negative emotion: pride, anger, hate, bitterness. God doesn’t want that! Even if that person does not accept your mercy, that’s ok. It then will be they who will be held in bondage, not you!
As God’s children, He does not want us in bondage. The enemy does! Satan wants us to live in spiritual defeat, unable to move forward, this is opposite of what God wants and what he has planned for us. He wants us to live in freedom and we have to walk in that freedom and that means dying to ourselves. Satan wants us distracted, he wants us to be ineffective to God’s kingdom. What use are we to God and others when we get stuck in the same place constantly laying stuff down at the cross then running back again to pick it up? By me not being merciful, how am I demonstrating the love of Christ and His love for the person? I am a hypocrite! Do I have to hang out with this person? No. Do I have to go frolicking through a field with them and act like nothing ever happened? No, do I need to sit with them at a campfire, roasting marshmallows, holding hands and singing kumbaya? No, but I do have to love them! I do have to forgive them even though they may not say they are sorry. I do have to have compassion for them, because our battle is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces that influence them. Satan hates them as much as he hates you!
I have and want to be merciful because I am so grateful that The God who spoke me into existence forgave me for all the wrongs I did towards Him. I need to be merciful because I love my God and Savior and that is what he wants and needs me to do. I need to love, forgive, be compassionate, and have mercy because these are some of the attributes of God and I want to be more like him. I must surrender my will and my heart in obedience because if I don’t I will not grow and be more like Him. If I refuse to forgive my heart will become hardened because I am refusing to submit to the will of my Father and I will not hear his voice. I cannot change myself only God can change me, but I can turn to Him and be willing to let Him do the changing in my heart.
My heart is wicked by nature. Even though I feel like I am a good person and have a good heart, my heart even deceives myself. God knows my heart better than I do and that is why I have to surrender it to Him. He is able to love those who hurt me, or others. He is the only one who can fill me with the love He has for them. They too were worth dying for. If I live in the shadow of that mercy, how much more do they too deserve to experience and live in that same mercy. Will I still screw up? Most definitely! Will I still struggle with mercy? Probably! Can I do it on my own? No! I cannot lean on my own understanding, I will have to lean on his, everyday- every hour! Come to think of it I will have to lean on His mercy!
So, I end it with this prayer. Father God in the name of Jesus, change me! Change my heart, break any hardness I have allowed to build up. Fill me with YOUR love and understanding. Show me where I fail. Help me to show and live out the loving mercy that you have bestowed on me so others can come to know you and who you are. Amen
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